The Most Important Things About Faith

Nothing like a serious diagnosis to help you take a good hard look at what you REALLY believe.  About a month after the surgery, Jen and some of my dear friends came for a walk around the farm.  Lori Moss said to read Hebrews 11 and make a study of faith.  I was especially impressed with verses 35-39:  Cast not away therefore your confidence...ye have need of patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

I wrote in my journal:  I analyze and analyze myself, and it has surprised me to feel very at peace with my standing before God.  I AM willing and trying to be totally obedient, I DO have peace and confidence saying 'Thy will be done.'  I have felt so much comfort and strengthening power, and really, no fear.  I love and trust in God's Plan of Salvation, and I trust in His perfect plan for ME too.

Peace is probably the overriding feeling I have had this past year.  I pray for inspiration about which plan to follow and instead of seeing the path ahead I am reassured that my Heavenly Father knows and loves me.  I am blessed with perfect peace in praying "Thy will be done".  I talked to a friend in a similar situation and she said at first she didn't know what to pray for--I felt just this way.  If healing isn't God's will, should I pray for it? 

I decided I would explain my dilemna to Heavenly Father--the bottom line is that I want His will to be done.  That being said, if I have a choice, I choose and pray fervently that I might stay a while longer on this planet.  I focus all my positive thoughts and energy on prevailing over cancer.

This last 10 months or so with cancer has been a spiritual blessing.  I'm learning things I wouldn't have learned another way.  I feel and know in my heart that the things I am doing, the things the scriptures teach, the "Sunday School answers", my imperfect efforts to live the gospel and repent and be humble, these things are enough.  Salvation IS attainable by ordinary humans, God's plan really works for normal people. 

We always know we could have done better, given more, been kinder, more helpful, endured more patiently...so we worry that we will fall short on judgment day.  It has been the biggest surprise to me that I am at peace about that now.  It brings about a much greater feeling of gratitude and love for my Savior, Jesus Christ.  HE endured perfectly patiently, He WAS perfectly kind, perfectly helpful.  He shares that perfection with me!  I stand all amazed!