Well, where, where has the time gone? I've written plenty in my journal but feel like I need to finish out important thoughts here. My energy is so low it may take a while, but there you go. My best opportunity is to get an hour or two done in the morning, after that I'm pretty lazy on the sofa.
To back track a few months, I guess...My 6th round of Chemo was in July, I was going to take August and peach season off, then start doing just 2 rounds at a time, then have another month or so off. Dr. Lee thought that might buy me 3-4 years. Took the first month off and the CA-19-9 number began to raise steeply--like from a low of 525 to 1900 in a month. By the time we started chemo a week later it was at 3200, and it never slowed down after that. Hardly caused a blip in the screen. It was the hardest, most deadly chemo yet, throwing up, totally miserable for a week, enough to decide it wasn't ever necessary again. I did another blood test a month later and we had gone from 4547 to 9000 in one month. I don't know where we are now, but that was a month ago. I had another PET scan and that also was off the charts.
I was having trouble with my heart too, it was slowing down to about 36-38 BPM, really weird, but the Dr. said it wasn't un-normal. Well, yes it was! I finally discovered if I quit taking my vitamins from the Block Center in Illinois that the heart issues cleared up--I've cut some out, cut some way back and I'm under control heart-wise at least.
I decided to go on Hospice about a month ago. There was nothing more chemo could do for me and Hospice would visit at least every week, give me all my meds and know how to answer my questions and help me be at peace. They have been wonderful, it was a good decision. So I'm here surrounded by carloads of flowers and notes, kind thoughts and protective children. It has been totally amazing. I'm not really in any pain, I cough alot, but have good meds for that. Learning how to use them in proper combination has been tricky, what will make me jittery, what makes me sleepy, what is constipating I've been able to keep my weight up pretty well, that seems important. I am usually tired, sleep on the sofa alot, if there's something I want to do, like go for a ride or especially to the temple, I have to save up for it and be smart--something I'm still learning.
Lori came down two weeks ago and has really taken over running the house. I can't really get to laundry, cooking, dishes, shopping--nothing normal, someone else has to help me with everything. I wanted to take Liza on a little outing and Teresa had to help me do everything. We went to visit teach Ronda who always has fun decorations, I knew Liza would like to see that, then to the dollar store to get a couple quick little things for our Thanksgiving trip to the "castle house" at the coast. Teresa helped Liza the whole time, I just hung on to the cart and called it good.
Margaret (Bert's wife, my sister-in-law and dear friend) came to visit us for a couple days--so hard for her to get away from her family, so many special needs, but such a treat for Lori and I to have her here. We met at the temple and did iniatories together, then have rested, rubbed my feet and visited and gone to bed early--but it's a good schedule for all of us.
Claire and Duane just told me other wonderful friends would like to come visit--my dear friend DarLynn Lee from our Kent days, DeFord and Charlene, and Melinda Kimlinger from Missouri. Oh I'll just have to see how much time I have left!
